Valhalla Rising (2009)

Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn has gotten quite a lot of buzz in recent years. His Pusher trilogy has become something of a cult classic and his 2008 film, Bronson, gave us a star-making turn by Vinny High Life favorite, Tom Hardy. (And, of course, he's behind this fall's breakout hit, Drive, which, despite what you're about to read, I really want to see.) But, Bronson wasn't a great film. In fact, if strapped to the rack and stretched to within an inch of my life, or just asked, I'd have to give it a MINUS. The reason is the same that this film failed me: Refn is a talented filmmaker with a strong artistic eye, but he's just not a very good storyteller. As with Bronson, he gives himself a powerful central character to work with--here, a supernaturally strong one-eyed psychopath who viciously kills his captors only to hook up with a band of Christian warriors heading for the Crusades. That's the whole movie, though. Nothing else happens, or at least nothing else that matters. It's an action movie without any action. That's a line that I feel like I'm writing a lot lately. MINUS