Thankfully He IS Still Here

Born October 28th 1974...Joaquin Phoenix is a man my own age and is an actor of passion, intrigue and has a great sense of humor...so much so that he made I'm Still Here...part mockumentary like Spinal Tap, part real life scenario like Borat, part Dada-style like Andy Kaufman...this film captures the turmoil, sadness and funny as all reality shows as Casey Affleck and best friend Joaquin Phoenix can fit into a film that took them 2 years to make. My guess is the actor thought...I need a break let me just hang with my friends and play my self for 2 years...this is where the idea of a Being John Malkovich comes in...While shooting Malkovich the actor told Spike Jonze that a certain scene was being written wrong and so he "acted" like himself....Spike Jonze said "NO...John Malkovich would never do it that way"...what balls on Spike Jonze?...no...it's how we as the audience have preconceived notions of a pretentious full of himself actor like Malkovich MUST be like...who cares if he is a real person with a spectrum of emotions and his own true ideas...we want to see what WE "think" is John Malkovich...the same is with Joaquin...in the first scene he could be serious when he says that he is "tired of playing the role of Joaquin Phoenix"...this could have very well have been at the end of this documentary and he is honestly saying that he is tired of playing the role for the fake documentary...he is tired of people thinking it's a joke when it really is a joke...the joke has gone on too long and its time for him to being his true self with all the range of emotions that a real person has...not just the crazed, drug induced, hip hop loving, Jim Morrison lookin, fat Joaquin Phoenix...

What has he been in?...I mean I can name off the top of my head:

1. I'm Still Here

2. Gladiator

3. To Die For (Gus van Sant...right?)

4. Two Lovers (only because it's prominent in I'm Still Here)

5. Reservation Road? (because he complains about its similarity to Revolution Road with DiCaprio in I'm Still Here

6. Walk the Line

What else?....we know him for being the brother of now Indie Icon River Phoenix...

This film also has great scenes with Ben Stiller, Edward James Olmos, and great scenes with Sean Combs...who Joaquin calls, Puffy, Sean, Combs, Puff Daddy, Diddy...and they are all at the wrong time

This is a funny funny film..and I have no idea how anyone would mistake this for "REAL"...except that Joaquin is playing himself...the scenarios are clearly set ups, but done very well and they must have had a great time trying to get it all right...they must have shot tons of takes, cause it is edited like a crazy hack job...just like all those mockumentaries are

I said this was one of my most anticipated films of the year and it went beyond my expectations...this may be better then Inception...Inception was not as "dream like" as I hoped...and I'm Still Here was funnier and less tragic then I thought.

My favorite song Link

Trailer Park

What better way to kick off our already server-crashing popular feature than to hitch up the Coen Brothers' upcoming Oscar bait, True Grit. This wasn't available for our now legendary Autumn Movie Preview and, honestly, I don't know that much more about it after seeing the preview. What is obvious is how much is depending on the performance of an untested little girl (Hailee Steinfeld).




Another trailer we didn't have at press time for the AMP was Clint Eastwood's The Hereafter. I had this ranked at #5, a number I feel comfortable with after seeing this clip. It looks like a visual departure for Eastwood, with some sci-fi SFX in the mix. My main concern is that it could get too introspective and, well, slow. When Clint's on the right side of that line, his films are as good as anyone's.




Speaking of science fiction, where did Skyline come from? From what we see here it look more like a summer tent pole than late fall filler. Directed by the Brothers Strause, who I just looked up to learn are FX experts, and with a no-name cast, I don't know what to do with my expectations. It's about an alien invasion--yeah, yeah, I know--and from the looks of it, the aliens better end up winning because, really, how could they possibly not? Puny humans. (Does Hawking get a cut?)



Switching gears, which is not an Emily Blunt related euphemism, is Wild Target, one of those usually fun British caper comedies. Oh, Emily Blunt. Get this: in real life, she's married to Jim from "The Office" (whatever) who plays the role made famous in the BBC original by Martin Freeman who is in...Wild Target. Also of note, is Rupert Grint, stepping out of the huge Harry Potter shadow. I think he has the makings of a solid character actor.



Finally, taking yet another hop, skip, and a genre jump, we have Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, Guillermo del Toro's remake of a 1973 TV movie that most people haven't seen but was the scariest movie I saw as a kid. Del Toro is just producing, handing over directing duties to newcomer Troy Nixey, but his touch is evident. The cast? Guy Pearce, always a plus, and Katie Holmes, who I don't even know what to make of as a person anymore much less an actress. Warning: this trailer is pretty scary. I only hope it doesn't go too CGI on us. Too often filmmakers feel they have to justify all the computer work and overuse their creations, losing one of their greatest tools in the process: subtlety.

Birthday Party, Cheesecake, Jelly Bean, BOOM!

On behalf of the staff at SMC (except the intern who bought the wrong color streamers--yeah, guess who gets to lube The Distillery tonight, Craig?) and all of our extended e-family, I'd like to wish a Happy Double Wood Birthday to the man with a face of an angel...nailed to his wall, the one and only, The Mayor, Vinny Guns!

Was Don Draper Mumbling More Than Usual This Week?

Did anyone else notice who directed this week's episode ("Hands and Knees") of Mad Men? Right, probably not. So it's a good thing God invented SMC.

The answer, as you will know in mere milliseconds, is Humpday director Lynn Shelton. I'd like to get all pompous with a discourse about how her indie aesthetic captured the transitional malaise of the the mid-60s landscape, but I didn't notice any difference. It's TV and all the episodes are supposed to look the same, like one long movie. Not being an industry insider, I can only guess that she would have been back filming Mark Duplass's ass pretty quickly if she whipped out the hand-held.  Still a good opportunity and welcome exposure.

While we're here, I think Mad Men is edging closer and closer to overtaking The Wire for best show ever status. It's not really fair to consider an active show since so much depends on the series wrap-up, but it's worth keeping an eye on.

Playlist: Death Comes to Town

There's nothing more hit or miss than sketch comedy (insert own Helen Keller joke here*). Comedy of any kind is hard enough (or so I'm told), but when you get a group of funny people trying to be funny together, you more often than not get a train wreck of comedic sensibility and ego, both of which would be trains in that example, though I suppose they could be arguing on the tracks and depending on the size of the ego, say Chevy Chase's, could make the Crash at Crush look like like a fender bender on the LIE. As I was saying, comedy is hard enough.

The Kids in the Hall were one of the best sketch comedy troupes. When they were on, they were fresh and smart and inspired in ways that other comedians couldn't even imagine. Even though they were championed by Saturday Night Live's Lorne Michaels, they were always closer in spirit to Monty Python than the more mainstream SNL. But, like Python, the end all and be all in the field, when their skits didn't work, they really didn't work. As big a fan as I am of Python, I admit to finding a lot of their pieces nonsensical and nearly unwatchable. That's what you get when working with artists in such a volatile medium. Are the highs worth the lows? Or is it better to shoot for the middle, like SNL? That's the raging art debate, right there. Burning out or fading away or, like SNL, staining the very fabric of pop culture until some space age solvent is discovered to remove you.

Well, The Kids have been gone for some time, but they returned this summer with an eight episode series on IFC called, Death Comes to Town, and it's probably the best thing they have done to date. Maybe I should say the most consistently good thing they have done as every episode is cohesive and accessibly funny. The whole thing plays like Twin Peaks in a quirky little Canadian town with the Kids playing most of the major characters as usual (and Dave Foley still makes me forget he's not a woman). I think this was missed by a lot of people, but should make one of those great DVD finds. Man, I love TV shows with short seasons.

*Really, Helen Keller? She died like a hundred years ago. Actually, 1968. Really? Yeah, she lived to be 87. Oh, all the things she didn't see in her life. Makes it sadder, doesn't it? Anyway, that's still 42 years ago. I know, but would you have preferred Ray Charles? Even Stevie Wonder hasn't been culturally relevant since The Cosby Show was on. What I'm saying is that we need a new famous blind person. Have we become so shallow that we cannot allow someone who isn't physically perfect to grace even a scant few pixels for our seedy little eyes? I'm not asking for a blind LiLo here. I'll settle for a visually-impaired kid on Glee. And while you're at it, Marlee Matlin ain't getting any younger.

Playlist: The Crazies

 As we've seen, a zombie movie is a zombie movie only when it is actually a zombie movie. Couldn't be clearer. But what about this outbreak of pseudo-zombie movies, these zombified outbreak movies? Should we call them "plague" movies? "Virus" films? What about "epidemic," or even "outbreak"? They are definitely another specific, and prevalent, offshoot, along with zombie movies, of the apocalyptic umbrella (not to be confused with the Umbrella Corporation from the Resident Evil universe, though I suppose you could and still retain my point).

The Crazies is the latest entry in this subgenre, though it is actually a remake of a 1973 film by none other than George Romero (it was his follow-up to Night of the Living Dead if you discount, as he has, his 1971 romantic comedy, There's Always Vanilla). While there are some differences, the overall story is the same: idyllic small town deals with the aftermath of being exposed to a military biological weapon (revealed to be Rhabdoviridae, rabies, the en vogue movie virus. The infected become blood-thirsty killers, though not literally, and the army rolls in to cover-up their bad. Of course, there's a hero, someone in the town who is healthy and pissed off and, as is often the case, a cop.

Here we have my guy Timothy Olyphant basically playing his character in Justified, which is fine by me since I'm a fan and it supports my theory that actors should play their best character in everything (more on this in another post). Olyphant is the town sheriff and he tries to lead his pregnant wife and not-pregnant deputy out of town, past the military-guarded perimeter and through a maze of Crazies. Unfortunately, there aren't enough Crazies int he way. The movie doesn't have the splatter-faction of the best zombie movies or the psychological drama of the best quarantine/confinement films. It's essentially an escape movie and I don't think that quite lives up to its potential. There are some good scenes, but not enough, or rather, good scenes not crafted together well enough by director Breck Eisner. Yes, he's Michael "I Used to Run Disney" Eisner's son, and no, I don't believe nepotism exists in Hollywood.

So, I did enjoy this, but was hoping for a little more.*

*That's what she said.

Meta: Before Meta was Meta

The idea of a "Meta" experience in film is usually one where the film either on purpose or by accident resembles real life or the real life events in the film. A quick recent example would be where Charlie Kaufman wrote himself into the script of Adaptation...it then creates a film that can be seen as a comment on books, film, making books, making film, etc. Sunset Blvd is a great film, it also is one of those films that as it tells a simple story of a crazy Hollywood past her prime actress, comments on the fact that it is played by a "past her prime Hollywood actress"...it also stars Cecil B. DeMille as "Cecil B. DeMille"...etc...

I was turned onto this film by an interview with David Lynch. Lynch was asked to name his most influential films. Lynch being a bit older and a clearly surrealist filmmaker chose some eclectic films, but also older classic films. These films are listed below:

Rear Window
8 1/2
M Hulots Holiday and
Sunset Blvd

I had not seen any of these films, but then added them to my Netflix Queue....I have a problem with old films that everyone else does...they are old...and in most cases film ideas repeat themselves and nothing is really original. When the first AFI top 100 films came out about 12 years ago I started to watch as many of those films I had not seen as possible. There were gems like Lawrence of Arabia and North by Northwest, and then there were trials on my patience and my soul like Casablanca and The Wild Bunch. I mean a film like The Wild Bunch is important because the level of violence is amped for the first time in American films and it's gritty...ok but in the days of The Matrix and post 80's action films, this movie is a slog of a watch.

So back to Lynch...I liked Rear Window, but had that feeling of "here we go again"...this film was the first to do what?...have a twist ending?...I mean come on we have all already been blown away by The Usual Suspects....

But then I saw Sunset Blvd...This is a must see...it features old has-beens playing old has-beens, it has a director playing a director...Cecil B DeMille has a great voice...and his films may be over the top and old style Big Hollywood spectacles...but his acting was awesome...at one point he accepts the old washed up silent film starlet named Norma Desmond into his set "where at the time Director Billy Wilder actually shot DeMille on the set of his current film at Paramount studios directing Samson and Deliliah...DeMille talks with Desmond and just pays her no real attention, he really wants to use her car in a film...but she thinks they will work together and she will make a great come back...DeMille then gets on his PA system and while the light man in the studio has shown the light on Desmond, DeMille insists that "place the light where it REALLY belongs"..on the real actors...

This is a sad story told in a sad way...but is thrilling like a car crash to watch...Buster Keaton is old and plays himself..the Butler of Desmond plays her first husband and first Director...and in real life was one of the first directors of the actress playing Norma Desmond..that film was called Queen Kelly, which was a disaster and ruined both their careers in real life and in this film.

Norma Desmond is played by Gloria Swanson...she is amazing...even 60 years later this performance is scary and weird and awesome. Swanson plays Norma and at the same time she plays a version of herself...sure she wasn't crazy but the film uses clips from her real old movies and Billy Wilder uses hundreds of her old silent film photos to adorn her old mansion. She has all those great lines you know, but you never saw this film "I am big, it's the pictures that got small"..and the classic "I am ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille"...but in the context of the film...it's even greater.

William Holden plays a broken down screenwriter, and the object of Norma's sick love. He is ok...just ok...his performance is the one that seems old and you have seen it a million times in these old films...the rest is greatness

I saw this and thought of connections with many of David Lynch's films...the mood, the idea of odd characters, odd emotional moments, Hollywood, stardom, a surrealist look at film and filmmaking and his films such as Inland Empire, Mullholland Drive, and Lost Highway are easily recognizable within the confines of Sunset Boulevard. Even one character named Gordon Cole in Sunset Blvd who speaks on a phone, is used by Lynch for a character he plays in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, named Gordon Cole...who speaks in a phone. I think Lynch even has a story where he realized that driving on the real Sunset Blvd in California, he saw where Billy Wilder got the idea for the character named Cole...there is a street on the way to Paramount studios named "Cole"...

Playlist: The Good, The Bad, The Weird

It's 1930s Manchuria and everyone's fighting everyone in Director Kim Ji-woon's kimchi western. Add a treasure map to the mix and, well, everyone ends up fighting everyone even more. A Korean thief inadvertently steals the map from a Japanese army official during a train robbery before a notorious bandit and take it for his employer. The thief takes off chased by the bandit, a bounty hunter after the bandit, a local Manchurian gang, and of course, the Japanese army. Several highly choreographed shoot-em ups and a good helping of goofy Asian film humor later, it comes down to a three way duel between the title players. The lead actors are all very good: deadeye hero Jung Woo-sung (The Good), slick & nasty Lee Byung-hun (The Bad), and deceivingly schlubby Song Kang-ho (The Weird).

It's all fun up to a point. That point is around the 90 minute mark. Unfortunately, it doesn't end for another 40. Even with the conversion rate, that's too long.

Autumn TV Update

It's that time again (I know, can you believe it?) for the first annual Mid-Unofficial First Week of the Autumn TV Season Update. For those of you playing along at home, remember to use a pencil and not a pen to mark your screens. You're not professionals.

Monday
What I'll Watch: 
House: Haven't yet. I will. Relax.
Monday Night Football: Saints-Niners. Watched a little. Eh.

What I'll DVR:
Hawaii Five-0: I did. It got good ratings. Will I watch it? Let's find out together next week.

What I Mentioned:
The Event: DVR'd it...and watched it. I know, what can I say, I was curious. Verdict? A little less curious. No, I don't know what it's going to be about, or what "the event" is. I'm just not that interested in finding out. Is it aliens? I hope it's not aliens. The pilot jumped around in time to build suspense for the climatic money shot. There's a government conspiracy at play because no one wants to watch a show about health care reform. I didn't buy in for whatever reason. The lead actor, Jason Ritter, didn't do anything for me. Actually, the only reason I'd watch another episode is Sarah Roemer. It's the freckles.

Tuesday
What I'll Watch:
Sons of Anarchy: They're handling the potentially show-killing kidnapped baby storyline very well. I should have given them more credit. I apologize.

What I'll DVR:
Running Wilde: Did and watched it. Better than expected. It had a mini horse, so how could it not have been. I'm not sure about Keri Russell and the premise is ridiculous. Actually, the entire show is based on Will Arnett's charming smugness. Not exactly a confidence-building long range plan. Time killer right now.

What I Didn't Mention:
Raising Hope: Sitcom on before Running Wilde so I just recorded it as well. And watched it. And liked it. It was created by Greg Garcia, who also created My Name is Earl which was one of the better shows on TV during its first season. Garcia has a knack for mining humor out of poor people without using them as the punchline. Earl got gimmicky and lost its way, so I wouldn't bank on Garcia's track record. Here's what we have here: 20 year old guy has one night stand with a girl who turns out to be a serial killer. She gets pregnant and eventually electrocuted and he is left with the baby. Yes, they electrocuted her on the show and, yes, it worked as comedy. Have to admit, I didn't see that coming. Anyway, the guy's mom is Martha Plimpton, who has actually gotten better looking with age. I know, that's not saying much, but considering where we started, it is. Her character, however, comes across very similarly to Jaime Pressly's in Earl. For that matter, the lead, Lucas Neff, sounds a lot like a combination of Earl and his brother, Randy. There's some promise, but I'm not sold yet.

Wednesday
What I'll DVR:
Terriers: I did. Three weeks in a row now. That's the limit. If I don't watch one this weekend, I have to pull the plug. I think I know how this is going to end.

Archives

Playlist Double Feature

"Mumblecore" like "grunge," was a clever adjective that lost its charm the second time someone used it. It is a somewhat apt description for the crop of low budget indie films that popped up in the early part of last decade, but labels only ever end up forcing mass generalization and often overshadow the work itself. Back to grunge, it got to the point where it only mattered if a band was from Seattle for them to get swept up in the hype wave, not that they even sounded like the bands that came before them or, far less important, if they were even good. Luckily for the art form, if not for the artists, mumblecore has never been adopted by the mainstream. So not only do we still get interesting films that Hollywood would never make, but the filmmakers still get the freedom to make them.

We've talked (a lot) on this site about our admiration for the work of Mark and Jay Duplass, but there are other major players in the close-knit, collaborative scene. I recently watched two films by Joe Swanberg, Hannah Takes the Stairs (2007) and Nights and Weekends (2008). He directed the first and co-directed the second with his co-star, Greta Gerwig. Gerwig is also the stair-taking Hannah and is credited as a co-writer on both films, though almost all the dialogue was improvised. Got all that?

Hannah follows Gerwig's character as she struggles to discover her post-college identity, both personally and professionally. The film opens with her in a seemingly healthy relationship with none other than Mark Duplass (it literally opens with them naked in the shower together). She soon finds herself drifting between co-workers played by Andrew Bujalski (the "Godfather of Mumblecore") and Kent Osborne in what she self-diagnoses as a state of "chronic dissatisfaction." It's a great term and may very well be this generation's emotional legacy.

That is essentially the plot, or at least the sequence of events. It's just people talking, but the lack of action is sufficiently supplemented by the authenticity of the on-screen relationships. I know this could so easily be a pretentious mess and no doubt would be if the actors weren't so uninterested in sounding like actors. The interplay in these movies is the closest I've come to listening to real people talking to each other on film.

Nights and Weekends actually lowers the fi even more with almost the entire film consisting of just Swanberg and Gerwig navigating their long-distance relationship. It's a character study more than a movie, but with an intimacy that's at times both refreshing and heartbreaking. The narrow scope does result in a few slow stretches, maybe a few too many. But, again, for its faults, it's hard not to appreciate what they were trying to accomplish.

SMC Forum: Are Superhero Films Science Fiction?

So I was thinking about science fiction films and seeing as this is a highly prestigious, academically renowned Web site, I was specifically thinking about the definition of the genre itself. Much like my groundbreaking work in the field of zombiology, I feel a certain degree of precision is needed in order to properly educate and provide the foundation to tell people when they are wrong.

So my question to you, loyal SMC readers, is this: are superhero films science fiction?

Obviously, science plays a major part in certain stories--Spider-Man and The Hulk, for example--but should superhero movies be their own genre? A subgenre of sci-fi? Fantasy? Should all superhero movies be treated the same or do they cross genres?

Go on...

News Stuff

Some recent goings down picked up by the SMC Radar:

• Looks like P.T. Anderson is the new Kubrick after all. His follow-up to 2007's There Will Be Blood may no longer be happening. According to cast member Jeremy Renner, "we kept coming up against a wall that we couldn't overcome. Or at least Paul couldn't overcome." He's talking about The Master, Anderson's Philip Seymour Hoffman-starring film about a Scientology like "religion". If I can scratch out a positive it's that at least the reason sounds like an artistic one. Hopefully, Paul can find a way to overcome that wall. I've found ladders are effective.

• As for a film that was made, how about this bit of Goodfellas trivia: there was early talk about the Ray Liotta and Lorainne Bracco roles being played by...Tom Cruise and Madonna. If only there was some way of knowing if Scorsese made the right call. I mean, other than logic. In case you forgot, it's the 20th Anniversary of what may be the best film of all time. Or what almost wasn't. At least Madonna's Italian.

• Finally, there appears to be a new pay cable channel: Epix. I don't know much about it other than I'm sure they're going to end up playing the same movies 6 times a day and that I'm probably not going to pay for it. But they are starting with some good cred. Click here and get free access to Louis C. K.'s concert film, Hilarious. I think Louis is best served in an extended format as he isn't so big on the one-liners.

Playlist: The Runaways

For some reason I feel guilty liking Kristen Stewart. Okay, not some reason, but because people keep making me feel that way. My problem is that I can't explain why I feel the way I do. I don't necessarily think she's a great actress (though she's far better than she's given credit for being). And I don't even necessarily find her that attractive. Only I do. Only I don't know why other than to that she simply has a screen presence. And I can't be alone in this since millionaires with countless options keep signing her for their movies.

The biggest criticism I hear about Stewart is that she basically plays herself playing with her hair and whining in all her films. Accurate or not, it doesn't really register with me and I wonder if maybe some of these critics are confusing her with Hayden Christensen. Either way, her performance as Joan Jett may not change anyone's overall opinion of her, but it can't not earn her a little respect. There was a lot of talk about how she threw herself completely into this role (probably with something to prove) and her work shows as she nails Jett down to the guitar playing and singing. Jett was even quoted as saying she wasn't sure who was singing when she heard a recording.

The thing is, though, that The Runaways isn't even Jett's film. It's taken from the memoir of lead singer Cherie Currie, who was only 15 when she was picked to join the group. Dakota Fanning, an actress doing her own dance on that borderline of adulthood, was an inspired choice and she definitely holds her own in the sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll department. She did her own singing as well, but while it's obvious she studied Currie's movements I got the feeling she was trying too hard at times. (Also need to note Michael Shannon's fun turn as their eccentric manager, Kim Fowley.)

Ultimately, music video director Floria Sigismond's film is a by-the-numbers biopic. But I admit, I get caught up in these movies if the music is good and The Runaways were a good group.

The clip below is the real Japanese TV performance recreated in the film. And, yeah, Dakota is dressed like that.

Single Malt Sin-Enyma

Listening to the Trent Reznor Score for The Social Network. Just opened the Compass Box Peat Monster Single Malt Scotch. The music is haunting and mixes well with the smell of this Scotch. The first thing the smell reminds me of is a brand new leather boot. That may not be the most appetizing smell...but it looks like jet fuel. I can tell it is going to be harsh...and with this music I am scared...scared of David Fincher and scared of Trent Reznor and Mark Zucker, the founder of Facebook...this Scotch is going to be tough.

I drank it...it's not that bad. It smells terrible...but the taste is not that strong...or maybe I am drunk already, its definitely whiskey...it is a clear color like turpentine...it's not bad though...the aftertaste is clean and my tongue is numb. We can thank Mr. Pottle (like Bottle) from Route 60 Liquor for hooking Frank and I up with a Scotch tonight. Check out the second link to see all Scotches...we bought a Glenmorangie Nector D'or for the next podcast...slowly working our way to the Macallan 18 of Barry Pepper's 25th Hour. But this counts as social networking...and this soundtrack sounds futuristic...I think the film will comment on our times, even though it looks older and dated as far as just a few years ago can look. OK...so final analysis:

25th Hour = A

The Social Network Soundtrack= B+

The Social Network looks like= B+

Compass Box The Peat Monster= B-

Overall a good night

Frankly speaking, I don't disagree. Well, I don't exactly agree on everything, since I'm not listening to The Social Network soundtrack and haven't seen 25th Hour (though I know I should to both). I'm listening to some Ryan Bingham, who you may know as the voice behind the Crazy Heart soundtrack. I've been in an alt-country mood lately, very lonely roads and whiskey. CH has become one of those films that has stuck with me longer than expected (2004's Closer was another one, though unlike CH, I didn't really like it when I was watching it).

So, the music is on and the Scotch is poured. As the esteemed Vinny Guns mentioned, we were comped the Peat Monster, a move no doubt due to our growing celebrity. The color is a light gold, but the smell is anything but. New leather boot is a good description. Now, a little knowledge before continuing. If you're wondering why anyone would drink something with "peat" in it's name (valid question) it's because peat fires are used to dry the barley before distillation. It's a Scottish thing. That said, I suppose I should have expected it to taste like burning peat. It's tough to get down and my mouth tastes full of smoke. As you know (or probably guessed) I have a delicate palette and. well, I'm not liking this. In a breach of SMC protocol, I'm adding a little water to the glass. Ok, better, easier. Still not my favorite. But I do feel more manly (which is very disorienting).

Playlist: The Losers

I suppose it speaks to the maturation of graphic novels as a source material that our expectations have now become aligned with the mainstream. We've reached the stage where not every adaptation is an event onto itself, much the way audiences grew into their comfort with noir or sci-fi or western stories.

For a convenient example, The Losers is a lesser known comic, and rather pedestrian as far as inventiveness. It's simply a story, and for all the bemoaning the death of originality in Hollywood (it was a suicide), the men with the money are in the business of selling us stories. Right now that resource is in greatest supply in the pages of comic books. Of course, the more they exploit this resource, the more product quality will regress to the mean. Listen, if Christopher Nolan made six movies a year, they're not all going to be good. That's not how it works.

Which isn't a long and winding way of saying The Losers isn't good. It's not, but it's not bad either. It sort of falls into that grey area fattening the middle. It reminded me of a second-tier 80s Schwarzenegger film (think Commando). It's back-up entertainment. Fun filler. If we insist on watching as many movies as we do, we can't also insist on brilliance every time out. You can be picky or you can sleep around. You can't do both. Unless you're rich.

As for the movie, we have a Special Ops squad called The Losers for no explained reason--Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen's Comedian, who looks like Robert Downey Jr.'s older brother), Idris Elba (the great Stringer Bell whose charisma is sadly underused), Chris Evans (who builds on his reputation as someone who makes anything he's in better), Columbus Short (the guy who I didn't like in Armored), and Oscar Jaenada (the silent sniper, but shows enough to bear watching)--who get screwed over by Jason Patric's ultra-hammy CIA psychopath. See, even though The Losers have probably killed countless people through the years, they secretly all have hearts of gold. And, yes, this does sound like The A-Team.

Now, in order to get back their good names as professional murderers, they team up with the unnaturally attractive (almost annoying so) Zoe Saldana who just so happens to have her own anti-Patric agenda. A lot of punch-shoot-boom follows. There is a very cool scene with Evans (of course) shooting security guards with his fingers.

My only real gripe is with director Sylvain White, who you might not know from anything. Unlike those 80s action films, White cannot just let the ridiculousness of the story carry the show. He has to "direct." It's over-stylized to the point of distraction as if White was determined to go upside our heads with his bag of tricks like Sean Penn and his pillowcase full of soda cans in Bad Boys. There's even a slo-mo shot of the whole gang walking which was cool as hell when Tarrantino did it and funny as hell when Swingers did it. 15 years ago.

Autumn TV Preview: Sunday

 

Am I the only one who doesn't understand why Sunday is considered the first day of the week? I mean, the fact that it's part of the weekend is clue one. Even that logic manual, Genesis, is pretty cut-and-dry about the Capital G sleeping in Sunday morning to recover from His busy work week. But my real question is, why don't we just fix it? I don't know who is actually in charge of something like this, but this feels more like a public consensus type of thing anyway. Or maybe we just need a solitary calendar company to take the first step. I don't know. It just seems to me that with all the big issues out there, we should knock out a few of these easy ones to get our mojo back up to speed.

What I'll Watch

The Simpsons (FOX): I wish I could quit you, Springfield. It just feels like I'm in it for the long haul now. So what if only every third show is funny. That's so besides the point. Honestly, I'll probably just DVR it and watch it whenever. But Homer's still Homer, even when he's being that Homer for the I lost count how many times. Something to look forward to this season: Flight of the Conchords sing a song. See, that's something.

What I'd Watch If I Had HBO

Boardwalk Empire: Obviously.

Eastbound & Down: See above.

Wildcard

Luther (BBC America): Stringer Bell as a brilliant British detective. Okay. I'll watch just because I'm fascinated whenever I hear Idris Elba speak in with his native accent.

Autumn TV Preview: Fridays & Saturdays

There was a time in the not so distant past (er, my childhood) when there was actually something to watch on the weekend. In fact, Dallas was one of the two top rated shows on TV for 5 straight years at one point while airing at the now dead man's time of Friday at 9 (fyi, it was Kristen). Then there was ABC's long-running popular TGIF family block that my sisters would always watch despite me telling them over and over how lame they were...as I was sitting there next to them (did I do that?) And Saturday used to be an even bigger destination viewing night. Now? Literally nothing. There are zero scripted programs scheduled for Saturday night. I'm not blaming them for giving up. I don't do anything and I still don't watch TV on Friday or Saturday night. 

What I'll DVR and Probably Get Around to Watching

The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (IFC): As you can see from the above pic, this stars "Arrested Development" alum David Cross and Will Arnett and, yes, that's enough. I don't even know what it's about. Does it matter? It's only six episodes.  

Added Frank Cred: that young bloke on the left up there? That's Blake Harrison from The Inbetweeners. Just watch it.

Autumn TV Preview: Thursdays

Well, we're over the hump and picking up speed. That's gravity, folks. So powerful a force it even holds sway over figures of speech. Thursday has been the money night for a long time now and this season is more of the same. Must see? That's a bit extreme. Consider it a strong suggestion which you better heed. Or else.

What I'll Watch

30 Rock (NBC): The funniest network show, surpassing "The Office" two seasons ago. Tina Fey may be a bit overexposed right now, but she continues to back up the hype. Let's enjoy it while it lasts. And let's enjoy Tracy Morgan while we can. I think he's a naturally funny guy and his performance here is one of the most consistently entertaining things in any medium. But he's also a funny guy in the other sense of the word in that he needs a very clearly defined role, like he has here, to fully harness his humor. It's quickly obvious when he's just thrown into a role and expected to be "funny." Let's also remember to enjoy it an hour earlier at 8:30 because NBC has gone with the innovative strategy of screwing with a good thing.

The Office (NBC): Still on and still holding onto to the long outlived premise of a documentary in progress. That's fine, but without that natural end point the narrative lost its immediacy and devolved into a series of directionless gags. Granted, there are still a lot of inspired comedic moments, but the show has reached the point all shows reach where its continued existence is its sole reason for existence. I am excited about the return of Amy Ryan and I expect Steve Carell to up his game for his last season. Maybe someday the rest of the show will do the same.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX): The official sitcom of SMC. If you haven't seen it yet despite our proselytizing, don't fear! You can pick up this show without missing a beat. Bonus: you then will have 5 seasons to catch up on. Discussion Question: Is Kaitlin Olson the best comedic actress on TV? 

The League (FX): I missed the first season last year, but Vinny Guns has said, like Sunny, don't worry about it. Of course, the SMC draw here is that it stars Mark Duplass. We like him.

What I'll DVR the First Episode Of and Maybe Watch Eventually

Outsourced (NBC): "The Office"...in India. All I know for now is that it's on after "The Office," so I'll give it a shot. I am interested to see what the viewer response will be to an Indian-heavy cast.

What I'll DVR For Some Reason and Probably Get Around to Watching Because It's Only a Half Hour

Community (NBC): I liked Joel McHale on "The Soup", so I had reasonable expectations when this debuted last autumn. It was reasonable to expect to laugh once an episode, right? Well, it took them some time to figure things out (like adding jokes to the script), but it got betterish as the season went on, including one of the better episodes of any show last year. I'm still not excited, but I think it's already programmed to record. Score another one for laziness.

Autumn TV Preview: Wednesdays

One of my favorite parts of "The Wonder Years" was when the dad came up grumbling about busting his hump at the office. It's a great expression, made even better by the fact that you don't even need the innuendo of that other more common use of the word. Kinda like referring to Wednesday as "hump day," although I've heard my share of cheap jokes about that. It's a bit disappointing that there isn't a fun origin story for that as it simply alludes to Wednesday being a hill in the middle of the week. I know, you were hoping for some sort of Scottish fertility angle, too. There is the HUMP! amateur sex film festival which was at the center of one of my favorite movies of last year, Humpday. All of which is my way of saying there's nothing on Wednesdays.

What I DVR'd and Haven't Watched Yet But Still Plan To

Terriers (FX): FX has built up a lot of goodwill in recent years and this has gotten good buzz. It doesn't hurt that "The Shield" mastermind Shawn Ryan is an exec producer. Looks like it could be fun, but I just have to find the time to watch it. Stay tuned.

Also, keep an eye out for FX's boxing drama, "Lights Out," in January. That's a preview in a preview. Kaufman-esque, ain't it?

Lifetime Movies : 1999...

Prince foreshadowed this year in films almost 2 decades earlier...we all partied like it was 1999, simply because it was 1999, in 1999. To me...this is the best year in film since 1899, when there were no films.

When I first looked at all the films in the year 1999, I wrote down a list of 13 films, by far this is the most "Great" films of any year I have. The BEST of that 13 is as follows:

American Beauty
Being John Malkovich
Eyes Wide Shut
Fight Club
Magnolia
Office Space
The Matrix

These 6 were the ones I starred...the ones I highlighted as my favorite from that year, sure I then narrowed it down to a top 4...but I will not reveal that cut in the other films as to not have any negative repercussions from those filmmakers...in case they read this I just do not want them to feel left out

So the Best film of 1999 is:


I looked forward to this moment when it came out the summer of 1999 for about 10 years. Once I got to college and started to like films and Full Metal Jacket had come out the question was "When will he make another"...the first news from this film was that Kubrick would make a film based on an old short story called "Dream Story", but he would update it and have the two leads be psychiatrists. The last was a rumor that the Cruise character would be a doctor of some kind. Once the news came that the two would be Cruise and Kidman, it was an official film. In later years rumors of Kubrick's "unfinished film" and Cronenberg saying that scenes were just added in and others saying that the film has sound problem and the whole digital guests covering the orgy was all just noise in an ocean of people who at first didn't like the film. Originally Kubrick thought this film should be a black comedy with Steve Martin....so much is in this film, so much around it with Kubrick's death...some is shown in a documentary called "Kubrick's Boxes" which was on a few years ago on IFC, it was about the enormous about of research that Kubrick did for each film..the most being EWS..and the unfinished Napoleon film he might have done.

When I saw it I remember thinking this was an instant hit and one of the 5-10 best films I have ever seen...Kubrick had already died and some of that may have been me still mourning the greatest director ever...but 11 years later I still feel it's incredible. Somewhere the old film strips of Harvey Keitel and Jennifer Jason Leigh still exist...and I want to see it...somewhere the original edit exists, somewhere the original orgy scene exists (that last one does now in the new Kubrick set)

But the film is a series of people attracted to Cruise, his perspective as a person struggling to hang on to his "Doctor" status while using it to enter into infidelity..once his wife admits to feelings of infidelity herself, Cruise is spun out of control and tries to redeem himself..the colors of red and blue, the Christmas time decor and beautiful sets (the orgy house is a British Castle also used as Wayne Manor in Batman Begins)...It's a great film, it has its problems like sets not looking like the real thing...but it's a dream, and its Kubrick's last film..the best of 1999

Others:
The Sixth Sense: I never wanted to believe in this film, I thought it was a scam, then my future wife talked me into seeing it...I loved it...it made me want to see Night's next film Unbreakable, which to me is his best and last best film.

Toy Story 2: Great film, best opening scene of any Pixar film, the idea that Woody is a collectible is great..in today's world though he would have been e-Bay city

American Beauty: Kevin Spacey was brilliant in this and so was Chris Cooper...I really thought back then that this would have held up better over time, I haven't seen it in a while, but people tend not to think of this as highly as I thought

Being John Malkovich: I recently read the original script from www.beingcharliekaufman.com and it was much weirder...Spike Jonze makes it a much more personal and sad film...Kaufman is still King

Election: I was a student government advisor and so learned to love this film....Broderick's last good film?

eXistenZ- Came out before the Matrix (FRANK!) It's for me plot and story better then the Matrix with Matrix like story...another Great JJL film (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and one of the first times we see Jude Law...I am a sucker for Cronenberg...the Matrix is easier to watch and re-watch but the bio-guns and pods and dream like quality are awesome...check out the Chinese restaurant scene for total gross outs

Fight Club- OK no one saw this when it came out...I heard about it was in the making, and immediately bought the book, read it and couldn't wait since Fincher was re-teaming with Pitt...this is a great film and one that people my age (maybe not Frank) really identify with..the corporatization of America had been happening for years, but this is the Generation X response to it...now let me get off my dell CPU and drink my Starbucks

The Green Mile- Still waiting for everyone else in Hollywood to let Darabount just make whatever film he wants to and for whatever price...all his movies are great and this one is also

Magnolia- PT Anderson will be on every list for whatever film he makes...he is the new Kubrick I guess...Magnolia can be pretentious I guess...but John C. Reilly grounds any film (even Ground Zero)...Frogs from the heavens, bloody braces, cop loses a gun, pedophile dad, dying dad, mad son...check that 2 mad sons, PSH (Philip Seymour Hoffman), fucked up Julienne Moore...PT just throws the world at us and asks us to care.

Notting Hill- I love this film...makes me laugh and cry and Hugh Grant can do no wrong...my favorite film of Julia Roberts playing herself

Office Space- Mike Judge makes this cult classic...we had a teacher that would show this in his economics class...he got fired...this film is awesome

The Matrix- Yes, I did have this on my list...it was great and even inspired Darren Aronofsky (friend of the site) to make The Fountain..it's hard for me to not think of the other 2 films that follow...they are grade C films while this is an easy A...not to mention The Matrix came out after Columbine...so it could not have inspired the killings..unless those two freaks were time travelers

Autumn TV Preview: Tuesdays

What I'll Watch

Sons of Anarchy (FX): This has always been better than it should be. It's an over-the-top show about outlaw bikers that's grounded by addictive writing and compelling performances. Season 2 was terrific, aided by white powerful sleaze of the earth turns by Adam Arkin and Henry Rollins, but ended on a disturbing note. No, not the disturbing gang rape way it began, but the disturbing kidnapped baby way that usually signals writer's block. Babies don't bring anything to the table except cred-killing melodrama. That said, I watched episode 1 last night and, baby be damned, they brought it. The last minute was game-changing, season finale worthy insane. Also, great theme song.

What I'll DVR the First Episode Of and Maybe Watch Eventually

No Ordinary Family (ABC): The premise of a super-powered family was already played out before they wrote the script. However, that doesn't necessarily make it bad. The casting of Michael Chiklis, on the other hand, necessarily makes it good. Or, at least, watchable. If only he played a super-powered Vic Mackey (which would support my theory that actors should just play their signature characters in everything). Julie Benz and Autumn Reeser add to the promising cast. So, I'll promise I might watch it. Take that to the bank, Nielsen.

Running Wilde (FOX): Two things working against this from the jump. One, FOX has a depressing record of live-action comedies, and two, it's in the 9:30 dead zone. The DVR actually negates that second one as no one has to remember when it's actually on. Which is good because the only reason I'm thinking about this at all is because it marks the Will Arnett's return to television. Ok, the other reason is because I keep hoping it's a reality show about chasing Olivia Wilde.

What I Would Maybe Watch, But Probably Won't

Detroit 1-8-7 (ABC): Speaking of returns to TV, Michael Imperioli is back on the less cool side of the law as a detective in the titular punchline metropolis. This was originally shot as a mockumentary, but they changed their mind and re-shot it as just another cop show. Better safe than interesting. But back to my earlier point, wouldn't you just picture Christopher Moltasanti the whole time. Give us what we want, Hollywood. And by "us" I mean "me." Everyone else will fall in line.

Autumn TV Preview: Mondays

There was a time when I could tell you what I was going to watch each of the 22 prime time hours (though I'm not sure there was a time when you would have cared). I feel fortunate, and a little proud, that I have curtailed my viewing quite a bit over the years. I'd like to attribute it to natural maturation or even to new found sophisticated pastimes. I'd also like to not lie to you, sweetie, so I'll have to admit it's more intolerance than anything else. It happens to the best of us, which in our case would be me (so what's that say about you?). Have my tastes changed? Maybe. I'd like to assume a couple of degrees of refinement. Have I learned to appreciate the intrinsic value of time, the supply and demand in the free market of my own mortality? Yeah, probably not. I think I'm just cranky.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't another diatribe about the boob tubery of society. In fact, some of the greatest forms of entertainment ever made are only a remote or mouse click away. Unfortunately, so is a godawful tonnage of crap. So much so that most of it is just white noise at this point and I'm tired of wading through it or, worse, drowning in it, pulled under by some tenth generation hellspawn of a remake of a once moderately original version of a show. What I may be trying to say is do we really need Law & Order: Los Angeles (NBC) and Harry Loves Lisa (TV Land)? Or is that what the terrorists want us to watch?

It was rhetorical, stay with me. So, after plenty of ado, here's what I'll be watching this fall. It won't make you as cool as me, but it's a start. So, take notes. No, there won't be a test, unless you consider every day a pop quiz. Which you should. And there's no curve. But there is extra credit. It's called a bribe. Cash or cookies will be accepted.

What I'll Watch

House (FOX): I hope this is the final season, not because I wouldn't keep watching Hugh Laurie give one of the best performances of all time, but because I would. Stories need an end. It's not like Stieg Larsson kept adding pages to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo once it became popular. No, he died. (Yes, there are 2 sequels, nerd, but my point is that an entire TV show is one story, like one book. Except "The Wire." Whatever.) A less drastic alternative would be to start a new story. Any show in this discussion has already generated a good deal of money for its creators, so keeping it on life support for more will only lessen the one thing they can't buy: artistic fulfillment. Then again, they could buy some really cool other shit instead.

Monday Night Football (ESPN):  I usually don't even watch the whole game unless my favorite team is playing. I tend to go off and do something more productive like flossing orphans or, well, this. Then I'll check the score in the second half and end up staying up too late completely ruining the next day and not adding anything to my life. Again, unless the Cowboys are playing (what? I'm a real American. Don't expect an apology). Then I spend three hours yelling at Tony Romo.

What I'll DVR the First Episode Of and Maybe Watch Eventually

Hawaii Five-O (CBS): This didn't look like anything more than another breezy cop show...until they cast James Marsters as the main villain. Now it looks like another breezy cop show with James Marsters. So, that's something.

I should mention The Event (NBC), an alien invasion conspiracy, though I wouldn't think intergalactic traversing higher beings would need a labyrinthine plot. I'm thinking more like giant lasers. Anyway, it's this year's Lost, not to be confused with last year's Lost, Flash Forward, which I did DVR and only got around to watching one episode which turned out for the best since it was canceled before anything was explained.

Til Tuesdays.

ZMC: Zombie Malt Cinema

Why, oh why, couldn't "zombie" rhyme with "commie"? I mean other than the letter "b." Regardless, big news out of Cuba is that the Castro Brothers have green-lit La República's first zombie movie, Juan of the Dead. According to director Alejandro Brugues, Juan sounds like it's going to be close in tone to Shaun of the Dead, fun but also traditional. What I find even more interesting is that in the film the Cuban government blames the whole outbreak on a Washington conspiracy. I only hope that they actually did read the script before they approved it and Brugues isn't going to disappear mid-shoot. Then again, maybe after all this time Fidel has finally started to enjoy the lighter side of his oppressive paranoia. Or maybe he just love a good zombie film, too.

Leftovers

• Michael Douglas has late stage IV throat cancer. That's bad. It seems that celebrities should be immune to things like this. What's the point otherwise? I'm not exactly looking forward to the Wall Street sequel (I'm exactly not, actually), but now I won't necessarily hope it does bad (you're welcome, Shia).

• Vinny Guns' girl, Lindsey Lohan, ran over a baby. Ok, it looks like she didn't really, but the fact that she got her name in a sentence like that at all at this point and it doesn't even register surprise makes me think she might have a problem. Then again babies can be annoying.

• I don't know how serious this is, if at all, but an executive producer on "The Office" has thrown Harvey Keitel's name out there as a replacement for Steve Carrell when he leaves after this season. In case you're wondering, yes, that Harvey Keitel. Whoever it is, it looks like it's going to be someone, as in they are going to keep the show going. They're making a lot of money, so who am I to say they shouldn't, but I might have to make the tough call and cut the line. My only concern as a viewer is quality and I'm already feeling I'm a season too late.

•  According to that bastion of journalistic integrity, Entertainment Weekly, Sandra Bullock is "now the most powerful actress on the planet." Really? EW used to try to walk the fine line between chronicling the entertainment industry and pandering to trends. I suppose there's not much money in that these days. This just seems like completely unnecessary hyperbole. You want to write an article about Bullock's recent run of success? Great. Somehow that isn't enough, though. It's like the whole Betty White phenomenon. Here's a woman who's been funny for decades, yet instead of recognizing her work we are being told that she's the second coming of crack. (Though there has always felt like an undercurrent of hipster mockery at play. Let's laugh at the old lady. The irony has become ironic.) Regardless, E-Dub deserves credit for jumping on one bandwagon: there are 2 mentions of Charlie Day in the latest issue including a whole sidebar. 2! Greenman!

Lifetime Movies: 1999

I always knew this was going to be a strong year, but I was a little suspect of Vinny Guns' claim that it was the best ever. While I'm not ready to engrave the trophy, I don't really have an argument against not doing so.

The thing that stands out the most to me about 1999 is the number of films that are still relevant. We still reference The Sixth Sense as the standard by which we judge twist endings. The Blair Witch Project is still the yardstick by which we measure not just indie horror films, but faux docs, handheld camera-shot movies, really all low budget attempts at recreating that DIY success. It's only fitting then that my choice for the year is the movie that continues to have the biggest influence of all.

Winner: The Matrix

I'm calling it: this is the greatest science fiction film of all time. Forget the sequels. I don't care how many times the Wachowski Brothers claim they envisioned a trilogy, the second and third films play like afterthought money grabs. I can't blame them for that. I can blame them for the movies themselves, which aren't so much bad as bad enough to weigh down the remarkable achievement of the original. I have never seen a movie with as much word of mouth buzz. Remember, there was very little pre-hype surrounding this film, at least by today's standards. There was a jaw-dropping Super Bowl commercial introduction and then it just exploded. Nothing has been able to replicate its impact. It still blows me away.

(While I still say Brandon Lee would have been perfect as Neo, Keanu did an excellent job. But, get this: Will Smith was the original choice. When he turned it down to do Wild Wild West, they asked Nic Cage. And Sandra Bullock to play Trinity. Imagine the movie without Carrie-Anne Moss? I guess Sean Connery as Morpheus would have made it all better. I don't know if Hugo Weaving was the first choice for Agent Smith, but he created one of the greatest villains in movie history.)

Films of Note:

Magnolia: Almost any other year and this would have been number one. The reason P.T. Anderson is our most important filmmaker today.

Eyes Wide Shut: I think time will prove this to be the classic it is. Hopefully, time will also allow us to see the uncensored original version. Ridiculous. Bonus memory: toward the end of the film, two little kids snuck into the theater, sat in the front row, and started acting like stupid little kids. This was not the movie to do that and I screamed like hell at them. Sometimes I miss old Frank.

Being John Malkovich: The start of our Charlie Kaufman experience. And the start of this film is still some of the most brilliant stuff written. It loses direction toward the end, but there's no denying its daring originality. Plus, Vinny Guns has now hung up a Malkovich face in the SMC studio and I'm not ashamed to admit it scares me.

Even More:

Killer Animals: Deep Blue Sea is the second best shark movie ever. One of those movies where I couldn't believe how much I enjoyed it afterward. Lake Placid was fun as well, though not nearly as fun as a movie with Bridgit Fonda and a giant crocodile should have been.

Johnny Depp: Sleepy Hollow saw him in classic Burton form, but he shocked me by throwing in two other mediocre at best films. The Astronaut's Wife was a generic Hollywood thriller that he had spent his career avoiding. And The Ninth Gate was supernatural schlock by child rapist Roman Polanski.

Comedy: Some very funny films came out including South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, which may be the most I ever laughed in a theater (so much so that I saw it twice, something very rare for though I did it twice this year--see: Winner); Office Space, which now seems to be on TV every day but remains infinitely quotable (tails off in the second half, but that first half is nearly perfect); Dogma, Kevin Smith's generally on point view askewering of The Church (which I hoped was the start of his maturation as a filmmaker--it wasn't); American Pie, which despite its desperate gross out use of sight gags turned out to be a very sweet coming-of-age story; and the sadly underrated Mystery Men, with Ben Stiller's greatest performance to date.

One Last One: Arlington Road has gotten lost in time, but is one of those great little films just waiting to be rediscovered. Director Mark Pellington has not worked nearly enough since he put together this intense paranoid thriller. This is actually my second favorite thing he directed. The first being this.

Wow, 1999. And thank you. Y2K is next and I fear it's all airplanes falling out of the sky from here.

Playlist: Armored

What is is about heist movies that I like so much? Judging by this, I have no idea. That's not really fair, though, because this isn't really a heist movie. At least not in the traditional sense. Sure, there's a heist. But it's just to set up a couple of armored truck chase scenes (yes, two).

Okay, that lead question was just a set-up for the cheap shot in the second sentence. I know very well what the appeal of heist films is and I know it's twofold. First, it's the enticement of being part of an against-the-odds scheme, the pull of the underdog. It never matters that we are rooting for criminals because it's not about the crime itself but about pulling it off. We don't care if they get the money, but how they get it. Armored avoids any of this psychological foreplay by revealing the entire plan in a few lines and then by reveling in its simplicity. What we're left with it just some losers trying to steal money. Where's the fun in that? And if we're not cheering for them, what's left for us to do? Wait, they have an answer: manufacture a good guy. That would be Columbus Short as Denzel Washington as a Gulf War vet who only agreed to the plan in the first place because he was going to lose his house to the bank and his brother, who he is raising since both parents died, to foster care. See, he agreed to steal the $42 million dollars, but then had a change of heart. Okay? Yeah, he chickened out. Which actually got me cheering for the other guys (a good cast including Matt Dillon, Laurence Fishburne, Jean Reno, and the long lost Skeet Ulrich) because, really, what's this guy's problem?

The second part of the equation is the getaway. It's one thing to break into a bank or a museum, it's another thing entirely to break back out. It's all part of the plan, of course, the coup de grace for every heist mastermind. Whether they make it or not depends on the tone of the film, but the implications of that question need to be played out. There's no getaway here because Private Integrity just locks himself in one of the armored trucks with the money and plays nah-nah-nah-nah-poo-poo for most of the rest of the movie. This all could have been fun, but director Nimrod Antal decided to go another way. Maybe he was going for a deconstruction of the heist film by removing all the cliched interesting parts. He is Hungarian.

Ok, SPOILER ALERT. No surprise, but the ending is ridiculous. After our "hero" kills everyone (keep in mind that he turned on his friends because they killed a homeless guy who witnessed them unloading the cash--maybe Antal was examining the vagaries of 21st century morality) and destroys all the money, not only isn't he charged with anything, but may even get a reward (to pay off the house, yay!). The fact that he willingly agreed to steal the money seems to never cross anyone's mind. Or that all the death and destruction in his wake was a result of his choices. Yes, we get an anti-hero without any of the coolness or the, you know, heroism. And that's way too many words about this movie.

Playlist: Survivors (Series 1)

As with most things British, a little history is in order. Survivors is based on the 1976 novel by Terry Nation, which itself was based on the 1975 BBC series of the same name. So, it's not a remake in the traditional sense, though it really is. All three are about a band of people who, well, survive a massive global flu pandemic. 99% of the human race massive. Which still leaves almost 70 million people. 50,000 of which would proportionately be in England, which at approximately 242,000 sq. km would result in roughly 1 person every 5 km. All of which means nothing to me since I have no idea what a km is. However, I would like it noted that I did not look any of that up.

This is a realistic post-apocalypse, so no zombies or Thunderdomes. And that's a nice change of pace because, really, what would you do if you were left nearly alone in a world that was basically intact? No, really, what? It's a good question. Okay, I know you would resort to cannibalism eventually because of course you would, but what would you do at first? The main characters (all seemingly immune to the fatal disease) here choose the safety of others and form an alliance of companionship. There are only 6 episodes, but it's enough to discover that not everyone else who's still around shares their view (at least not the different groups they meet each show). Of course, there is an overarching conspiracy in play, perfect for the finale cliffhanger. Overall, though, I had trouble bonding with the characters. It took me halfway through the season to remember everyone's name, even my supposed favorite, Zoe Tapper's Anya. There's a good story here, but not necessarily told in a captivating way.

What this brought to mind was the 1983 TV movie, The Day After. I wasn't allowed to watch it when it first aired because there was this campaign to warn parents about emotionally scarring their kids. Remember, this was the height of Rambo Reagan's Red Scare. And while that sounds a lot like a marketing angle, it wasn't without merit. It was chilling even years later when I finally saw it. Truth may or may not be stranger than fiction, but it's usually scarier.