Playlist: Whip It

I was warned against seeing this. "It's not even good in a bad way," my inside source informed.  So, of course, I saw it and...it's not even good in a bad way. More to the point, it's actually an exceptionally poorly made movie. It's Drew Barrymore's directorial debut and she seems to not have been paying much attention on those movie sets she grew up on (my guess: all the coke). Poor pacing, structure, shot choices--truth be told, that's quite an accomplished failure. Seriously, it's a dull, de-clawed roller derby movie and that's tough to pull off. She does succeed in one thing, though, and for this we should all be grateful: she gives Jimmy Fallon a showcase for his criminal unfunniness. Really, put him in prison.

But wait, get this--you know how there's always some hack reviewer who will swoon over the fragrance of any piece of crap? I'm not sure there's a contest, but I'm pretty certain we have a winner. Right there on the front of the DVD is this ode to ridiculousness: "A Work of Pure Genius."

It's not that someone likes this movie--I like plenty of movies that others (idiots) don't. It's that someone is so deficient as to, not only make this claim, but make it in the guise of a professional. I know, it's just standard hyperbole and studio/star brown-nosing=page hits, and page hits=pseudo-fame, but there has to be some measure of personal responsibility. Just a little. Like an Ellen Page-sized smidgen.  Listen, if you want to be another Industry geisha, fine, just don't pretend you're not. Because that ain't cool.