Here's why I can't stand Michael Bay (I'm trying to not say "hate" so much): it's not for the terrible movies he has made, but for the terrible movies he continues to make. At this point he's filthy rich and has enough sway in the industry to make any project he wants, yet time and again he just goes for the money grab. Not that we were exactly lacking in proof, but the man has zero artistic ambition. Why does that matter? Because, goddamit, he's in an artistic profession. (Bay only produces this dreck, leaving the director's noose for music video maestro Samuel Bayer. Bayer gets a pass because he directed "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and "No Rain", but then again that was almost 20 years ago. Really, look it up.)
The only reason I watched this was to see Jackie Earle Haley's take on Freddy Krueger. It's a no-win, though, as is reinterpreting any iconic character. Even so, they not only didn't win, but went out of their way to lose. Freddy worked brilliantly, not only at his best, but in spite of several terrible sequels, because he transcended the generic slasher templates he was stuck in. We watched the Nightmare movies because we liked this homicidal madman. So, of course, Team Bay decides to remove any personality from the character in order to give us, what, a more realistic take on a bogeyman that somehow manages to kill teenagers in the dreams?
Seriously, though, that's what they were trying to do by giving us a sympathetic back story for our ol' pal Fred. Get this: Krueger was a gardener who lived in the basement of a daycare. Please forget that this was the 1990s when there were actual laws in place to prevent such a dangerously creepy situation from ever happening. Then, to everyone's surprise because everyone was an idiot, the little kids started reporting that the gardener was doing a little no-no touching. The suddenly concerned parents then took the natural next step of hunting Freddy down and burning him alive. They covered the whole messy affair up, somehow brainwashing their kids along the way, until for some never explained reason because nonsense cannot be explained, Freddy began murdering the now teenage kids in their sleep. But wait, two of the teens somehow deduced that Freddy was actually innocent! (Full disclosure: I fast forwarded a lot of this, but from what I could tell this assertion was based solely on a wild guess.) How does this game-changing revelation affect the the events of the movie? Wait for it...it doesn't. In any way.
Haley seemed like an excellent choice for the role considering how much he looks like someone you wouldn't want standing next to you on a subway, let alone anywhere near children or small animals. But he's wasted here, reduced to an extra wearing a rather bland mask and growling a lot. That they even ruined Freddy's classic look is just further pointless stupidity.
What makes it even more frustrating is that 2003's Freddy vs. Jason was actually pretty good and opened the door to some interesting directions for the franchise. There was even talk of bringing Bruce Campbell's Ash from the Evil Dead films into the mix. (To see what could have been, check out the comic based on a proposed script.)
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