Autumn TV Preview: Mondays

There was a time when I could tell you what I was going to watch each of the 22 prime time hours (though I'm not sure there was a time when you would have cared). I feel fortunate, and a little proud, that I have curtailed my viewing quite a bit over the years. I'd like to attribute it to natural maturation or even to new found sophisticated pastimes. I'd also like to not lie to you, sweetie, so I'll have to admit it's more intolerance than anything else. It happens to the best of us, which in our case would be me (so what's that say about you?). Have my tastes changed? Maybe. I'd like to assume a couple of degrees of refinement. Have I learned to appreciate the intrinsic value of time, the supply and demand in the free market of my own mortality? Yeah, probably not. I think I'm just cranky.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't another diatribe about the boob tubery of society. In fact, some of the greatest forms of entertainment ever made are only a remote or mouse click away. Unfortunately, so is a godawful tonnage of crap. So much so that most of it is just white noise at this point and I'm tired of wading through it or, worse, drowning in it, pulled under by some tenth generation hellspawn of a remake of a once moderately original version of a show. What I may be trying to say is do we really need Law & Order: Los Angeles (NBC) and Harry Loves Lisa (TV Land)? Or is that what the terrorists want us to watch?

It was rhetorical, stay with me. So, after plenty of ado, here's what I'll be watching this fall. It won't make you as cool as me, but it's a start. So, take notes. No, there won't be a test, unless you consider every day a pop quiz. Which you should. And there's no curve. But there is extra credit. It's called a bribe. Cash or cookies will be accepted.

What I'll Watch

House (FOX): I hope this is the final season, not because I wouldn't keep watching Hugh Laurie give one of the best performances of all time, but because I would. Stories need an end. It's not like Stieg Larsson kept adding pages to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo once it became popular. No, he died. (Yes, there are 2 sequels, nerd, but my point is that an entire TV show is one story, like one book. Except "The Wire." Whatever.) A less drastic alternative would be to start a new story. Any show in this discussion has already generated a good deal of money for its creators, so keeping it on life support for more will only lessen the one thing they can't buy: artistic fulfillment. Then again, they could buy some really cool other shit instead.

Monday Night Football (ESPN):  I usually don't even watch the whole game unless my favorite team is playing. I tend to go off and do something more productive like flossing orphans or, well, this. Then I'll check the score in the second half and end up staying up too late completely ruining the next day and not adding anything to my life. Again, unless the Cowboys are playing (what? I'm a real American. Don't expect an apology). Then I spend three hours yelling at Tony Romo.

What I'll DVR the First Episode Of and Maybe Watch Eventually

Hawaii Five-O (CBS): This didn't look like anything more than another breezy cop show...until they cast James Marsters as the main villain. Now it looks like another breezy cop show with James Marsters. So, that's something.

I should mention The Event (NBC), an alien invasion conspiracy, though I wouldn't think intergalactic traversing higher beings would need a labyrinthine plot. I'm thinking more like giant lasers. Anyway, it's this year's Lost, not to be confused with last year's Lost, Flash Forward, which I did DVR and only got around to watching one episode which turned out for the best since it was canceled before anything was explained.

Til Tuesdays.